Listening + Grieving
Prompts for reflection and I share how I’m personally navigating time and grief in isolation.
To begin I want to share a few swelling points that have created entry points to explore some of the shifts I have been moving through in the last month. These questions can be explored with as much lightness or depth as desired; no answer is too small and it’s also fine if the answers look more like questions. ‘This moment’ could refer to right now, today, this week, this month - whatever feels right to explore. I invite you to sit with one or more of these questions, noticing what comes up for you.
What rhythms am I finding myself in at the moment?
What am I letting go of at the moment?
When do I feel present + what can support me in feeling present?
I have found it cathartic to journal and write down thoughts and shifts that have arisen for me in these uncertain times. I have chosen to share my vulnerability and hope, with the belief that sharing the unspoken can welcome movement and connectedness.
Initially the recent shifts in routine threw my mind and body into a spin, but as time has passed I am finding a new rhythm (a slow one). As past, present and future seemingly begin to manifest simultaneously for me, the days are somewhat blending. I’m noticing how my past influences how I react to the present and trying to find some sense of peace with the uncertainty of the future. Carrying my past and my ancestry in my body I’m beginning to unveil how these feelings are entangled with queer and Afrofutures. In the past month I’ve felt like I’ve lost a sense of in-between, the moments in-between places, meeting, tasks or events - when I’m preparing to enter a space. Moments I really value. These realisations have caused me to try to cultivate more space in-between - space shift and move into, to be in nature, to breathe, to notice how I feel and move into the next moment consciously. In feeling my shifting ideas of time I am reminded of the importance being grounded and existing in this moment.
I think this lock-down period has brought about different grief for everyone, especially marginalised communities, as we lament on what and who have been lost and what was hoped for. This time has also allowed me to start to identify the hidden grief I have been holding and notice where and how grieving shows up in my life. There have been many tears and I have slowly opened my understanding of many forms of grief that accompany life-shifts, bereavement (more on grieving here) and social injustice. In beginning to name and listen to this grief I feel like I am beginning to feel and be able to tune into the present.
I feel grateful to be able to use some of my furloughed time to gather and learn from the generosity of many QTBIPOC folk who share their embodied knowledge. I have definitely felt nurtured by reading Pleasure Activism, listening to Brontë Velez (as suggested by someone at a Sex and Rage event lead by Black Fly Zine), watching Sabah speak about self-care vs self-hate, and attending Misery Meets online.
Sending love to you all